Once (2007)

VH1 has these things they call "You Oughta Know" videos, which are generally generic no-name acoustic guitarists that sound like everyone else.

And my god, Once was like the longest, most generic, patience-testing VH1 "You Oughta Know" music video ever, and I was in a theater, desperately wishing I could find the remote so I could switch to MTV for the latest Justin Timberlake video.

I don't like watching films that I think I could have made myself over a weekend, and this was exactly that. I have friends who strum acoustic guitar and write songs about their ex-girlfriends too, and most of them just sound like this guy, and, not coincidentally, the only song that I really thought was any good WASN'T WRITTEN BY THEM, it was written by a man you may have heard of named Van Morrison.

Also, they insist on showing every second of every single note of every single generic, samey song. And this isn't a musical like old Hollywood musicals that are interesting and clever and take place during fantastic set-pieces of complex dance numbers and all sorts of wonderfully choreographed shots, this was just them sitting there singing.

It was a bit innocuous but decent at first, but I cringed as YET ANOTHER F-CKING SONG came on. My dad would laugh as every new (but stridently similar) song came on and brought out a round of heavy sighs and eye-rolling from me.

We almost saw Knocked Up. I can only fantasize about what might have been.